WELLNESS WEDNESDAY

Hey folks, Sally Riggs here, psychologist, fellow long hauler and your long COVID, and welcome to Wellness Wednesday. I am recording this Wellness Wednesday a day later than usual because I had a hideous crash this weekend. And I'm sharing this with you, not because I want you to feel hopeless, "Oh my goodness, she's doing so much better, how come she's still having crashes? Will I ever get better?" But because we do all have crashes, and I wanted to talk to you a little bit how we can manage them from the mind body perspective. As we all know, long COVID is a physiological, organic illness and whatever is happening at the mitochondrial level in our cells where the energy exchange process is broken. Whatever is happening at a vascular level where we're dealing with micro clots in our blood, periodically, we do run out of energy and our bodies do shut down. Even though I'm doing so much better, even though I'm supporting my nervous system, even though I'm doing all kinds of other things, I haven't had a crash this bad in a while. But there's some stuff that I wanted to talk to you about that I thought was important.

So what happened for me was that I woke up on Saturday morning, feeling incredibly fatigued and heavy and exhausted, and went to go and do the normal things that we do like taking a shower and getting dressed and realized that those were not available to me today. And so I had to go ahead and cancel the plans that I had over the weekend, which was very disappointing, and made me very sad. In particular, there was a birthday party that I had been hoping to go to.  It was going to be the first birthday party I had been to in 30 months, really looking forward to seeing lots of friends, and it just did not happen. And it's very easy in these moments, to think to ourselves, "It's my fault, what have I done? What can I do differently? How can I prevent this?", etc, etc. And that's the first thing that we want to think about really, that we do have crashes. And although there are things that I can learn from this, it was not my fault that I crashed this weekend. It's really, really important when we're having a crash, to have self compassion and to not get caught in that self criticism, beating ourselves up cycle which can so easily take place.

And the second thing that's really, really important is that we want to properly rest. Do not push on through. At first, I wasn't sure the extent of what I was dealing with, and I was aware that I was a little fatigued, because I was like, "Right, let's get in the shower. Let's get ready, I can still make it to the party." And it was only when I'm sitting in my bathroom halfway through the shower not able to complete the shower that I was like, "Okay, well if I can't do this, then I can't make it an hour across the city to go to a birthday party." So at that point, I got back in pajamas and I spent the weekend in bed. And I also canceled work on Monday because I wanted to make sure that I properly took the time to rest. And even though I felt a little bit better yesterday, first thing in my mind was all "What are all the things that I didn't do this weekend that I can catch up on?", and then I caught myself. "No, today is still about resting." Resting means not watching television. Resting means not playing on social media. Resting means lying down sleeping, if you can, closing your eyes doing yoga nidra, listening to relaxing music like classical music if you can't, and supporting your body nutritionally with food that is right for you in that moment.

The other thing that I want to talk a little bit about is what we can learn from crashes because crashes are not your fault. I've said it, I'm going to say it again. And we definitely don't want to get caught in the moment in that cycle. And yet, each time there's something for us to learn. I often say that I'm in active recovery from long COVID. And maybe because I'm a psychologist, and I'm used to things like substance abuse that use similar language of "active recovery", recovery is ongoing. And when we have a crash, it's not a step back, the wheel is still going forward, we're still learning something. So possible things that might have been responsible for this crash. Still not my fault, still okay for me to think about, "What was the learning here, for me?", when I'm feeling better, when I've got the headspace, when I've got the self compassion, when I've got the gratitude, and a few things come to mind. One is, I've been working too hard in my business, and I need to be able to work less. And that's an ongoing issue, I think, for all of us, whether we're "working" working, or whether we're taking care of kids, or whether we're doing things in the home more than we should, all of that pacing and activity. And it's really easy when you feel a little bit better to do more. And ultimately, the world that we get forward to, that dream life that we can put together again, will ultimately still involve less activity and less stress, because we cannot function without that change. So where in my business can I take the changes? Where can I take the stress off me? Where can I have other people step up? Again, not my fault. But where possibly can I make changes going forward?

It's also possible, I've been making some nutritional changes recently, and my nutritionist has been encouraging me to eat a little bit more carbohydrate, which I had been on the keto diet for a long time, which I think a lot of you know and I have spoken about. And as I've been eating a little bit more carbohydrate, I've definitely been noticing that I am very sleepy in the afternoons. And so it's possible that actually eating carbohydrates for breakfast and for lunch is not right for me. And that I can get away with a little bit at nighttime to support sleep, but that eating them in the daytime is not the right choice. Over the weekend, when I was feeling awful, I went back to keto as much as possible, and that did help enhance my energy levels again, until I was able to touch base with my nutritionist today, and he suggested some changes.

So thinking about what might have been responsible, I've also been taking V-9 and V-9 has quite a lot of sugar in the formula. So it's possible that that is also making me sleepy, and that might have contributed to my crash. Now, that's not to say that I should stop V-9. And I know again, this is not a video about me talking about treatment recommendations, but maybe I should put all of the V-9 with my dinner, and not have it at lunchtime. Also, it's possible that one of the reasons that I had that crash was so that I could talk to you all about it today. And that's okay, if that was one of the reasons for me to re-remember what it's like to have a crash and be able to share some of my thoughts about it with you all, then that's also really important. And I'm okay with that having happened.

And then the other thing that we always want to remember when we're in the middle of a crash is "This will not last for forever." In this case, it was three days, which is a little bit longer than I've had them for a while. Normally they're about 24 hours, but it did end and I noticed it ending yesterday. And these days, I am able to sleep and basically slept 11 hours, three days in a row. And now I'm doing a lot better today and I'm able to work again. So in that moment, when we're feeling frustrated, it's okay to be frustrated. It's okay to be sad. I had a few moments where I was tearful and I let myself be sad and I let myself cry. Because it was a big loss not to make it to the party that I wanted to go to. But reminding myself constantly "This will end, I will be okay. This is not permanent. I will get back to how I was feeling", and here I am sitting in front of you because I'm back to how I was feeling. I was able to shower today, I was able to work, and here I am proof that it does end.

So this may not be the last time that we talk about crashes because I know they're such a big topic in long COVID. But the psychological and mind-body things that we can do to help support ourselves: don't blame yourself, don't get caught up in self criticism, be mindful of taking proper rest as long as you need, be thoughtful when you're in the right headspace afterwards what the learns are, and be curious about them if you can, and if you can't, that's also absolutely okay. Going back to the first point, it's not your fault, don't beat yourself up. And finally reminding yourself throughout that it will end and you will get better. Even if you are much farther along in your, earlier along in your recovery journey, and crashes are still happening very frequently, it will end, and you will make it to a place.

I hope that was helpful for you to think about this week. I'm sure many people are watching it who are in a crash, or might just be coming out of one, so we're in good company together this week. I hope you have an okay week and I look forward to seeing you soon on another Wellness Wednesday.