WELLNESS WEDNESDAY

Hey folks, Sally Riggs here, psychologist, fellow long hauler, and your Long COVID Coach. And welcome to another Wellness Wednesday.

One thing that's been on my mind over the last week or so, and not really sure why. But since I have only been working in the public domain, since I started to recover from Long COVID, many of you all may not have a sense of whether I was as sick as you are. And I very often tell my Long COVID story and my recovery story. I do a lot of public speaking for medical professionals, HR professionals, but of course, you guys don't see those presentations that I do. And it occurred to me, especially as I am continuing to do better, that sometimes you might look at one of my videos and think, "Sure, but she looks like she's doing great. She hasn't been as sick as I have. Is it applicable what she's talking about to me?" And so I thought I would take a few minutes today, just to tell a little bit more of my Long COVID story, so that you can have a sense of where it matches up with your journey.

I got COVID in March 2020, I live here in New York City. And as you know, London and New York got hit pretty hard right at the beginning of the pandemic. I was, I say not able to get a test, that's not true. I went to urgent care, I asked for a test she refused me and then ultimately reluctantly acquiesced, administered it incorrectly and then it came back negative. So I never got a positive test, but much like anybody in that first wave who didn't get a test, or who got a negative test as well, that kind of "Do I have COVID? Is this COVID? What's going on?", all of that fun uncertainty. I had a relatively mild illness, although it was probably worse than any flu I've ever had. And of course, I continued working right the way through, partly because I'm a psychologist and my patients were all incredibly anxious, we have just started in lockdown. And I didn't want them to know that I was sick or to worry about me.

My symptoms started, I mean they definitely started right after initial infection. Although they didn't get very, very bad until much later. I was definitely fatigued and the fatigue continued right from initial infection and never recovered. And then, in about May, I started having shortness of breath and chest pain when I was running, after I was running, but also just walking - walking uphill. I also had some strange skin rashes, the fun Costochondritis that many of us have had, which I had previously broken my rib right in that exact spot. And I was worried that I had rebroken it again, although there was no trauma that could have caused that impact.

As time went on, things got progressively worse and I stopped being able to run by about September. And then things got progressively worse from there. And by December-January I was into the kind of chronic fatigue where you can't really get out of bed. And most of 2021 was characterized by me not being able to get out of bed or spending most of the day getting up, getting dressed, etc. I don't know about you, but every time someone says to me, "What are your symptoms?" immediately my brain goes to "Well, Amnesia is the first one. So how am I supposed to list off this laundry list of symptoms when I have memory loss?" But I will do my best to cover the broadness and I think essentially, pretty much the same as you is a good enough answer.

But definitely nausea, dizziness, GI stuff constipation, stomach pain, diarrhea, acid reflux, insomnia, tinnitus, all of the mast cell activation stuff, light sensitivity, heat sensitivity, sound sensitivity. For most of the summer in 2021, I could not go outside because it was too much for me - the heat. And obviously, all of the fun POTS symptoms as well, for a long period of time I was wearing compression pants, and spending most of my days lying down under a weighted blanket when I wasn't working. Definitely brain fog, didn't really realize the extent of my brain fog until it started to lift and I realized, "Oh, my goodness, I have been working very impaired for a very long time" and still have deficits, still struggle to find things, particularly electronic documents that I have filed myself in some random place, and still struggle with memory issues intermittently, although that comes and goes.

But I think the bit that was the worst for me throughout most of last year was not being able to shower, not being able to wash my hair, just those simple things. Remembering bounding out of bed, and just zipping through the shower, breakfast, get dressed, dry your hair, put on your makeup, go to work, and know that was the easiest thing. And suddenly, I couldn't even do one of those things, and it was just overwhelming. One of the reasons that I want to share this with you is because something that frequently happened for me when I was in my darkest, those hopeless, low mood, low energy days that seemed to go on for months. I remember seeing people in Facebook groups posting that they had recovered, and feeling very jealous and very angry, that I didn't feel inspired by those stories. Actually quite the opposite, and periodically, when I'm talking to people, you know, I sense that feeling too. I'll ask people about their dreams for the future and that's a difficult question to answer. And when I say you know, "How do you want to be feeling in a couple of weeks?", people will say, "I can't imagine not feeling exactly the same as this."

So I really wanted to normalize that process that when we are stuck in immobilization, it's incredibly hard to hold the hope of improvement. And it's incredibly hard to be inspired by other people's recovery stories. That it's totally natural, to feel jealous and angry and sad that we're not recovered, and we can't imagine recovering and that all these other people are and it's not fair. And part of my job, whilst normalizing that process is to also still sit here and offer you hope. Not only did I find a way to begin my recovery journey, but I also was able to get through those days. So lean into it, which doesn't mean make yourself feel worse, it means don't beat yourself up for having those thoughts or those feelings that is perfectly normal and perfectly okay, and absolutely no judgment. And hang in there and it will pass and things will improve. And if you're interested in any of the Polyvagal stuff that we've talked a lot about recently, as time goes on, and I get more and more scientific evidence around that, I am more and more convinced that that is the first thing that helped me to be able to get to a place where I could start to recover.

So just so that you know, I have been what you have been through. I have been in those darkest days I have been in those horrific symptoms. And in moments, I do still get symptomatic days now. And I am very, working very hard on trying to lean into those symptoms, in those moments and not go into the fix it overdrive. "Why is this happening? Make it stop?" which again, all of us are very, very familiar with.

If you were interested in the Safe and Sound Protocol group, we still have a couple of spots open for our November group, which is starting on the 22nd of November, right before Thanksgiving. And don't worry we won't have a session on Thanksgiving Day for those who are in the US.

And also, just to keep you posted, my assistant is working very hard behind the scenes. We are starting a Facebook group very very, very soon. As soon as it's live, I will put the link on these weekly Wellness Wednesday videos, I am planning on keeping it very selective i.e, there will be no space for venting. Because venting does not make us feel better. it does not make others feel better. It will be a supportive, nurturing place in which we can bounce ideas, answer questions, all under the heading of Mind-Body practices and Polyvagal stuff, that will help us on our Long COVID recovery journey. And most importantly, it will be a place to connect with like minded people who are going through similar things. Because I know that so many of us are struggling with having lost friends and having significantly reduced social network during Long COVID recovery journeys, and that connecting with others is so crucial.

So just a couple of updates there for things that are coming soon. I hope that me sharing my experience and a little bit of my symptoms has been helpful to you. As always feel free to send me an email if you've got a question. And wishing you a tolerable week and hope to see you soon on the next Wellness Wednesday. Take care.